#3

there is a moment when i felt completely a loser daughter. i mean, i cant cook (at this age, im the one who supposed to cook for my parents and they should sit at their new chair melenggang-lenggang like a little cute babies)

and at this ages, im supposed to act mature already. instead being over sensitive whenever my parents refused to buy me new heels what i want -.- there is no guarantee that i am going to have a superb results (which i wish i could) :( i want to apologize to them,but the words wont and dont want to come out. i feel my heart is broken into every tiny pieces when i saw tears on my dad eyes when he thinking hardly what he supposed to do with his child(s) once he retire.

i feel like i wanna punch every single fucking person who hurts my parents feeling. there are a lot of fucking people (relatives,friends and anonymous) who treat my parents badly while my parents being nice to them all times. my parents are to nice to be treat in such a bad way especially my papa. i hate them fucking deeply,until now, until this single sencond

but mostly, i hate myself more. because of who i am, i wish i could be a better person like my parents wish me to be:(

i couldnt imagine how my life gonna turn like once my parents no longer here,by my sides. i seriously cant face it. its gonna be the most fucking moment in my life. i dont want it to happen. not now, not until im the one who go first.